Song Chuzhao returned home and immediately called out from the entrance, announcing her arrival.
He Wan heard the sound and came out. Seeing the sweat stains on her forehead, she felt a headache coming on.
He Wan pulled at her collar, reached out to touch her neck, and said, “You’re sweating all over. Your inner clothes are all wet.”
Song Chuzhao, her neck shrinking from He Wan’s touch, said with a tickle in her throat, “I only played for a while, I’m not sweating all over!”
He Wan patted her, feigning anger, “Go bathe and change your clothes!”
Song Chuzhao responded with a “yes” and skipped towards her room. Seeing her return, Chundong quickly had someone prepare hot water for her.
After Song Chuzhao came out of the room, her hair washed and dried, Chundong had already prepared sweet soup and pastries for her.
Song Chuzhao ate while praising Chundong.
This girl was so considerate.
Chundong cupped her chin, smiling and asking, “Miss, are you happy today?”
Song Chuzhao said, “Happy.“carpreads.pages.dev
Chundong excitedly said, “Is it because you went out with the young master that you’re happy?”
Song Chuzhao suddenly fell silent.
Chundong’s excitement escalated, “Then Chundong will tell you something that will make you even happier?”
Song Chuzhao vaguely felt that it might not be what she thought.
Chundong announced loudly, “Your wedding date has been set!”
Song Chuzhao was startled, “So soon?”
“Where is it soon? It’s almost the end of the year. You came back in autumn, and according to custom, it should have been set long ago.” Chundong said, “Today, our master and madam came over to discuss it, but you weren’t here. I heard that the Song family has no objections, so it should be settled.”
Song Chuzhao asked, “When is it set for?”
Chundong smiled and said, “Please ask Madam Song yourself.”
Song Chuzhao was too embarrassed to ask, but He Wan brought it up at the dinner table.
“How about setting it for the fifteenth of the first lunar month?” He Wan said, “It’s a festive day, and it’s worth commemorating. You can celebrate it properly in the future.”
Song Chuzhao hadn’t considered the deeper meaning of this matter, and it wasn’t until He Wan reminded her twice that she understood.
The fifteenth of the first lunar month, wasn’t that her real birthday? It’s just that she never celebrated it.
Song Chuzhao calculated the date and realized that there were only a few days left. She suddenly realized that she was going to get married, and then, as Tang Zhirou had told her before, she would have to face all sorts of trivial matters after marriage.
She would have to leave her parents, manage the household, and raise children.
She couldn’t be so reckless anymore. She had to become as understanding as He Wan.
She realized that this was a life she was completely unprepared for. The fear and gloom of the unknown suddenly overwhelmed her, pushing her to the point of wanting to escape, making it impossible to hide.
Song Chuzhao pressed her fingers together, revealing a hint of helplessness.
He Wan’s chopsticks hovered over the bowl, and she said, “Since the wedding date has been set, you should return to the Song Mansion. The end of the year is approaching, and it’s best not to put the General in a difficult position.”
Song Chuzhao absentmindedly nodded.
He Wan looked at her for a while, noticing something was off, and stopped mentioning it. She picked up her favorite dish and told her to eat first.
That evening, He Wan came to find Song Chuzhao to sleep together.
Song Chuzhao spread out the blanket, closed the window, soaked her feet, and curled up under the covers.
He Wan blew out the candle and lay down on the bed.
In the deep darkness, He Wan heard Song Chuzhao’s uneven breathing. She turned over, facing Song Chuzhao, and asked, “Do you dislike Fifth Son Gu?”
Song Chuzhao said, “No, I don’t dislike him.”
“Then why are you so distracted today? Isn’t it because the wedding date has been set?” He Wan said, “Don’t you want to be with the person you like?”
Song Chuzhao remained silent for a long time. Just when He Wan thought she wouldn’t answer, she suddenly said, “I don’t understand.”
He Wan asked, “Don’t understand what?”
“I don’t understand what getting married is all about.” Song Chuzhao hesitated, “It seems like a very important thing, but also a very hasty thing. Mother, what do you think? If everything changes overnight, I don’t know if I can spend a lifetime with him. I think things are good as they are now.”
After hearing this, He Wan couldn’t answer either. After all, even she herself didn’t fully understand what marriage truly was.
Before she had a chance to choose, it had already happened.
She hadn’t married Song Guangyuan to spend a lifetime with him. But Song Chuzhao was different. She hoped that Song Chuzhao would have a smooth and happy life from then on.
He Wan leaned closer and hugged her.
“It will be alright. You’re different from your mother.” He Wan said, “Getting married means that the person you like can stay with you for a lifetime. From now on, you can tell him anything, anything at all. You can see him whenever you want, and be as capricious as you like with him. This should be a happy thing. Other regrets are insignificant. Think about it carefully.”
Song Chuzhao whispered, “Mother.”
“Hmm.”
“I have a question for you. Don’t be angry with me, okay?”
He Wan laughed and replied, “Go ahead.”
Song Chuzhao leaned against her, asking, “Back then, if you had the chance, even if you had nothing, would you still want to be with Uncle Fu?”
He Wan’s thoughts drifted back, recalling that part of her memory that she had buried deep within, yet it remained vivid.
She thought to herself, how could there be an “if”? She had already made her choice back then. When faced with a choice between two options, the decision in one’s heart becomes firm. She was willing to give up everything and spend a lifetime with Fu Changjun. But it was so difficult.
Now, after all these years, the thoughts from back then had grown into a thorn. When ignored, it felt insignificant. But it was always there, unable to be removed, determined to prove its existence.
The last time she went to see Fu Changjun before leaving, she didn’t actually see his face.
At that time, Fu Changjun was hiding in the storeroom of the He Mansion. The light was dim, and the air was filled with a damp, musty smell.
Fu Changjun leaned against a cold, hard chest, his side facing her. His hair cascaded down, unkempt. The black hem of his clothes spread across the floor, blending with her shadow.
He Wan had asked him, “You know now, don’t you?”
Fu Changjun only gave her a one-word reply.
“Yes.”
He Wan paused for a long time before saying, “Then I’m leaving. You must live well.”
Fu Changjun: “……Hmm.”
He Wan wanted the parting to be peaceful, but she couldn’t help but say hurtful words, both to herself and to him. She choked out, “I’m never coming back again. You’re all so awful.”
The faint light from outside shone in, only to be quickly blocked by the closed door. The secluded storeroom was left in utter solitude.
Tang Zhanglian had crawled over and leaned against Fu Changjun, calling softly, “Uncle.”
Fu Changjun didn’t respond, sitting like a dead man. A long spear lay across his lap, his fingers repeatedly tracing the sharp blade.
Tang Zhanglian stood up and ran outside.
He hid in the shadows, quietly following the servants. He watched He Wan leave the house, then ran back crying, kneeling beside Fu Changjun and saying, “She’s gone. General He carried her out himself.”
Fu Changjun’s tears suddenly flowed. He raised his hand to cover his eyes, but he couldn’t control them.
The young boy grasped his trembling arm.
Fu Changjun said hoarsely, “From now on…”
Tang Zhanglian rushed forward and hugged him, saying, “From now on, you have me! Uncle, from now on, you have me! I’ll strive to be worthy, so you can bring her back!”
Fu Changjun’s voice broke into choked sobs: “…Don’t be like me.”
It felt like yesterday. Fu Changjun wiped his face, confused as to why he was dreaming about this again, and why it felt so real this time, even He Wan’s footsteps seemed heavier.
Perhaps it was because He Wan had returned.
He pressed the back of his hand against his forehead, let out a long sigh, and lay quietly, trying to expel the sour feeling from his chest.
“General, General Song is requesting an audience outside.”
Fu Changjun took a long time to reply, “Let him in.”
The person outside hesitated, “Here?”
Fu Changjun: “Hmm.”
“Yes.”
Soon, Song Guangyuan’s steady footsteps sounded outside. He raised his hand to knock, then entered himself.
The morning sunlight was gentler, and the window in front of Fu Changjun’s wooden bed cast a bright light on his front.
Song Guangyuan said, “Zhaozhao’s marriage has been arranged.”
Fu Changjun was still trapped in his dream, half-sitting on the bed, his head bowed, his voice low and heavy, “Why tell me?”
Song Guangyuan said, “I just felt it was right to let you know.”
Fu Changjun’s room had almost no extra chairs, only a simple wooden stool placed next to the table. It showed that he wasn’t someone who liked to have guests at home.
Song Guangyuan sat on the stool, one hand resting on the table, and said with a sigh, “It’s set for the fifteenth of the first lunar month. Lantern Festival. It’s also a day for family reunions. You should go. I’ll have her offer you a cup of tea.”
Fu Changjun didn’t want to answer him, but he still said, “I know.”
Song Guangyuan: “Remember to give her a gift.”
Fu Changjun: “I will prepare one.”
After a while, Song Guangyuan said again, “Besides the wedding gifts, prepare another one. When Zhaozhao was just born, she was very weak and couldn’t even eat. A farmer’s wife who lived nearby fed her, which saved her life. It’s a pity that all these years, He Wan has never celebrated her birthday on the fifteenth day of the first lunar month.”
Fu Changjun turned his head, his sharp gaze piercing Song Guangyuan.
Song Guangyuan pretended to be nonchalant and stood up, tugging at his robe and saying, “He Wan said she went to find you yesterday. She had a lot of fun playing with the Imperial Insignia Guards.”
Fu Changjun’s breathing grew heavy, and a glimmer of water appeared in his eyes, but he didn’t know how to ask.
He didn’t know when Song Guangyuan left. When he came back to his senses, there was only a damp back in front of him.
Fu Changjun released his grip, revealing the crumpled fabric. He slowly smoothed it out, as if trying to erase all the years of unrest.
The things were moved out of the He Mansion and transported to the Song Mansion by carriage, mostly miscellaneous items. He Wan had already left in the morning, but Song Chuzhao lingered until noon before reluctantly leaving the house.
As she stepped out of the threshold, she saw Fu Changjun standing at the door, holding a horse, not knowing how long he had been waiting.
Song Chuzhao looked at him, and Fu Changjun looked at her. They stared at each other.
Suddenly, Song Chuzhao had a flash of inspiration and knew what he was here for. Fu Changjun smiled softly at her, and Song Chuzhao’s eyes inexplicably felt sore.
Fu Changjun asked, “Do you want to ride?”
Author’s Note:
How could my ending possibly not be satisfying?
carp: Tuige’s knives are short but very sharp.