The meal finally ended with Song Chuzhao’s scalp tingling.
She was afraid that Duke Gu would ask her more questions about the Spring Examinations, so she quickly finished her meal and rose to take her leave.
Duke Gu’s strong desire to have a heart-to-heart talk with his son was abruptly halted when he sensed his intense aversion. Fortunately, his heart, having been soothed by the chicken leg, had become much stronger and he did not feel sad about it.
In the sudden free time after dinner, Duke Gu once again began to ponder the life-long puzzle that had haunted him for over a decade, a puzzle that always broke off midway and never made any progress—what was his youngest son thinking?
Until nightfall, Duke Gu and his wife lay down in bed together, covered by the quilt, but he still couldn’t escape from this question.
The quiet environment and the sudden emptiness in his mind gave him even more opportunities to wander.
This time, he had more evidence to refer to than before, and his mood was calmer than ever, so he explored more deeply.
The two most crucial questions were: Why did Fifth Son suddenly want to dine with him? And why did he take the initiative to serve him food?
They hadn’t sat down to eat peacefully for a long time. Even at family banquets, Gu Fengjian always maintained a distant and polite attitude. When speaking to him, he would keep it as brief as possible, never exceeding ten words. He would also deliberately sit as far away from him as possible.
Although Gu Fengjian rarely showed his displeasure openly, Duke Gu could still read it in his eyes. Every time he chatted with him, Gu Fengjian would become unhappy.
Duke Gu didn’t want to constantly bother him with a broken heart, and he was frequently sent away to other places by the Emperor, leaving him no time to think deeply. Over time, their father-son relationship became like this.
Was Fifth Son’s actions today… an attempt to show him affection?
Duke Gu turned over. by carpreads.pages.dev
He felt extremely guilty towards Gu Fengjian.
He recalled when Gu Fengjian was a child, lying in his arms, quietly holding him, tears hanging on his eyelashes, and saying in a muffled voice that he wanted to go home.
At that time, he could only whisper soft comfort, saying that he would take him away soon, and he promised to visit him often, but he never did. He didn’t even dare to go back.
Duke Gu couldn’t help but feel heartache. Was Fifth Son particularly disappointed at that time?
His son would sit alone on the cold mountaintop, chin in hand, gazing at the stone steps that stretched into the depths of the clouds, silently waiting for his figure to appear at the end of the world, from morning till night.
He used to deliberately avoid thinking about these things, because once he thought about them, it was painful and agonizing. However, for Fifth Son, he endured it day after day. His hatred for himself accumulated in every passing day.
Duke Gu felt like he was about to cry, and his mind became increasingly clear.
Fifth Son must have been very sad when he was left alone on Mount Qing.
Perhaps he even thought that he wasn’t considered family.
Duke Gu sat up. The quilt rose, bringing in a gust of wind. Madam Gu shivered and woke up groggily.
She turned her head and mumbled, “What are you doing? Why aren’t you sleeping yet?”
Duke Gu crawled out of the quilt, tucking the edges in for her. Then he sat on the edge of the bed, his hands resting on his knees, his head bowed, beginning his sleepless night.
Madam Gu looked at his back, lay down for a while, then also got up, wrapping her arms around him from behind and calling out, “Husband, what are you thinking about?”
Duke Gu’s voice was hoarse, “I’m thinking about Fifth Son.”
Madam Gu asked, “What about Fifth Son?”
“I always feel like I’ve been unfair to him,” Duke Gu’s voice rose and fell, “Thinking about it carefully today, I realize I’ve been too much.”
Madam Gu: “Why do you say that?”
“I thought Fifth Son was cold-hearted, so I let him be cold. I shouldn’t have done that. Maybe he’s just angry?” Duke Gu turned his head and said, “Perhaps he wants me to coax him.”
Madam Gu faltered, “Ah?”
Gu Fengjian was always alone, watching them as a family, as if he were watching them fight, scold, and play. What was the difference between this and when he wasn’t back? They lived together, but their relationship was even further apart. For him, wouldn’t this be even more disappointing?
Absolutely, that’s why he went to Master He’s mansion with Third Girl Song. Because Third Girl Song would be his family in the future. He valued family very much.
It made sense that he fought with Fan Chongqing. His goal was to get his attention. But he was so incompetent that he didn’t know about it until days later. It made all his efforts in vain.
Duke Gu said with heartache, “It’s not that he’s not considerate of me, it’s that I’m not considerate of him. I didn’t make up for it, and I made him sad. No wonder he doesn’t pay attention to me.”
Madam Gu said, “He does pay attention to you. Didn’t he pay attention to you tonight? He even served you food.”
Duke Gu shook his head, “That’s why I’m even more sad.”
Madam Gu thought she was having a confused dream, “What are you talking about?”
Duke Gu pondered for a moment and said, “You should have told me about Fifth Son’s fight with Fan Chongqing earlier.”
“It’s not a big deal,” Madam Gu said unhappily, “Why are you bringing it up again? You even mentioned it at dinner today.”
“How is it not a big deal!” Duke Gu said sternly, “This is very serious!”
Madam Gu was stunned by him, let go of his hand, and sat down on the edge of the bed next to him. She asked, “How serious? Everyone said it was just a misunderstanding and it’s been resolved.”
Duke Gu said, “Think about it, is Fifth Son the kind of person who would fight because someone said a few words to him? He’s usually very reserved, and no one can provoke him. If someone dared to insult him to his face…”
Madam Gu was quite familiar with his personality, “He would insult them back even more harshly.”
“Yes! Hitting someone is the last thing he would do.” Duke Gu sighed, “There must be something else going on.”
Madam Gu was almost convinced by him.
Duke Gu said, “And the most serious thing is that he doesn’t like to study anymore.”
Madam Gu thought back and realized with surprise, “Fifth Son has indeed been studying less these past two days. He’s been spending more time with Fourth Son. And he’s been going out a lot… That’s not right…”
Duke Gu sighed inwardly, “That’s how it is,” and slapped his hand on the table.
“He resigned from his position twice, both times because of me. Now he doesn’t even want to read anymore. I’m worried he’s thinking about doing something rash.”
Madam Gu said in panic, “Don’t talk nonsense!”
Duke Gu stood up and said dejectedly, “He has so many problems, and we’re only discovering them now!”
Madam Gu held her head and began to think about her son’s usual behavior.
Duke Gu, wearing only a thin robe, paced anxiously in front of the bed. He would sometimes put his hands on his hips, and sometimes he would look up and sigh.
Madam Gu was very nervous because of him. Strange thoughts popped into her head, and she quickly stopped him, saying, “Don’t walk anymore, you’re making me dizzy!”
Duke Gu stopped for a moment, then strode towards the rack next to him, grabbed his outer robe, and put it on.
Madam Gu said to the moving shadow, “Are you going to find Fifth Son in the middle of the night?”
Duke Gu said, “I can’t stay here, I’m not at ease. Besides, if I don’t go in the middle of the night, how can I find him?”
Duke Gu had to go to the palace in the morning to attend court. He had to wait outside the palace gate before dawn. After court, he had to have a private meeting with the Emperor. After the meeting, he had to assign tasks. He was busy from morning till night, and the day was over.
Occasionally, he was lucky enough to go home early, but Gu Fengjian would usually be taking a nap. By the time Gu Fengjian woke up, Duke Gu had already finished dinner. He would quickly deal with the remaining official business and then go to bed early to prepare for the next day.
They never saw each other.
Madam Gu thought for a moment, and it was true. Duke Gu was like air in the house, impossible to grasp.
She hurriedly stood up and said, “I’ll go too! You always have trouble talking to Fifth Son, be careful not to upset him again… Light the lamp first, I can’t find my clothes.”
Song Chuzhao was sleeping soundly when someone pressed her shoulder and woke her. She opened her eyes with difficulty, and two faces with disheveled hair suddenly appeared before her.
A candle flickered between them, its tiny flame illuminating half of each face. In the orange glow, their faces were pale and their features sharp. Especially Duke Gu, whose expression already had a hint of fierceness, now seemed even more imposing.
Song Chuzhao flinched back into the bed, almost screaming. After taking a deep breath of cold air, she realized it was just Duke Gu and Madam Gu.
She felt like half her life had already been lost here. She shook her head vigorously and asked, “What time is it?”
Madam Gu said, “It doesn’t matter.”
Song Chuzhao gaped, “Huh?”
Duke Gu’s expression was cold and stern. He bent over slightly and asked, “My son, is there anything you want to tell your father?”
To Song Chuzhao, this was equivalent to asking: “Do you have any wrongdoings to confess?”
Song Chuzhao said nervously, “…No.”
“You think again.”
Duke Gu took a step closer, bringing his face even closer.
The wrinkles at the corners of his eyes formed deep furrows, but his eyes were wide open. His black pupils reflected a strange light from the candle.
She didn’t know if he looked more like a door god meant to ward off evil spirits, or more like the King of Hell who judged the good and the bad. In any case, Song Chuzhao felt like a little ghost about to be executed.
Song Chuzhao reiterated, “I really don’t!”
“Tell me anything that’s on your mind,” Duke Gu wouldn’t give up. “It’s my fault, I’ll talk to you properly tonight. You can be angry, you can scold me, it’s all my fault. I’ll listen to you.”
Song Chuzhao felt like she had calmed down, but also felt like she had gone mad. She wiped her face vigorously from top to bottom, opened her eyes again, and saw the same scene.
It wasn’t a dream.
…Gu Fengjian hadn’t told her that his father was so… eccentric!
Did the Gu family like to have heart-to-heart talks in the middle of the night?!
Song Chuzhao said helplessly, “I don’t have anything to say. I’m not angry. Go back.”
Duke Gu said with a hint of grievance, “You haven’t been reading much lately, and you don’t want me to buy you books.”
Song Chuzhao was no longer calm. Her heart screamed in panic.
Was that it? Just because she didn’t like to read, they had to scare her like this in the middle of the night?!
Duke Gu said, “You’ve also been playing with Fourth Son, and you don’t stay home during the day.”
Song Chuzhao continued to scream silently.
Then go talk to Gu Fengwei! Why can he go out and play?!
Seeing that she still refused to admit it, Duke Gu said, “Then why did you fight with Second Young Master Fan that day?”
Song Chuzhao finally heard a question she could answer correctly. She immediately said, “It was an accident, I didn’t mean to!”
Duke Gu analyzed meticulously, step by step, leading her on: “What were you doing at the time?”
Song Chuzhao: “Drinking and chatting with someone?”
Duke Gu was startled: “So you were acting while drunk!”
Song Chuzhao’s heart sank.
“I wasn’t drunk!” she argued loudly, “I didn’t drink at all!”
Duke Gu said: “Then it was because you couldn’t stand Second Fan’s drunken behavior in broad daylight, doing nothing, wasting time, and you were angry?”
“He wasn’t drunk either, it was just a few cups of rice wine!” Song Chuzhao said, “No, I wasn’t angry at him. I didn’t want to hit him. Mother, did you tell Father?”
Madam Gu dutifully held the candle beside her, listening to her call for someone, and nodded.
Song Chuzhao had never regretted any fight she had ever been in, this was the first time in her life.
Duke Gu, with an understanding that seemed to see through everything, said: “Sigh… So, you really want your father to pay attention to you.”"
Song Chuzhao: “…”
No—none of that—!
What’s wrong with you, Duke Gu!!
For a moment, Song Chuzhao even wanted to shout in his ear: Because I’m not your real son!
Song Chuzhao excitedly tried to get out of bed. Because Duke Gu was blocking the bed, she could only kneel. Just as she was about to speak, a warm embrace suddenly enveloped her.
Song Chuzhao froze.
The strong arms behind her wrapped tightly around her, as if afraid she would break free. With care, with trepidation. The slightly trembling muscles revealed the anxiety in the heart of the man in front of her, and also silenced the words that were about to burst from Song Chuzhao’s mouth.
She suddenly forgot what she wanted to say. But it didn’t really matter.
Perhaps Duke Gu wasn’t here to ask her what she wanted to say, but to say something to her himself.
“It’s your father’s fault.”
Duke Gu’s voice was hoarse, restrained, rolling in his throat.
“Fifth Son, you passed the imperial examination last time, but His Majesty sent you to organize documents. It wasn’t that father deliberately made things difficult for you. When His Majesty asked me how to arrange you, I casually said that our Fifth Son is not in good health. He probably didn’t want me to worry, so he assigned you that position. I know you were unhappy with it, and you resigned on your own after less than two months. You were resentful and didn’t want to talk to me, and I didn’t know how to explain it to you…”
“Fifth Son… Father didn’t want to stop you from entering officialdom. Father believes in you, you can be a good official.”
“And before that…”
Song Chuzhao felt the warmth of the other’s embrace, like sinking into a pool of warm water. She slowed her breathing and listened quietly.
“Father was reluctant to watch Fu Donglai take you away…”
She felt a warm liquid dripping on her left shoulder.
The tall man rested his chin on her shoulder and sniffed.
The following words were almost a whisper, and she couldn’t hear them clearly.
“I didn’t go to see you… It wasn’t intentional… I lied to you, it wasn’t on purpose… Sometimes I went, but I didn’t dare let you see me, afraid that Fu Donglai would make things difficult for you. Sometimes I also wanted to kill him, but I was powerless…”
Madam Gu listened, unable to hold back her tears, which flowed like rain: “My husband, my Fifth Son!”
Song Chuzhao didn’t know who Fu Donglai was, but she would remember. She tried to commit every word Duke Gu said to memory, so she could tell Gu Fengjian later.
If Gu Fengjian could hear this himself, he would surely be happy. When he mentioned his father, there was a hint of melancholy in his eyes… If only he could hear this himself.
Duke Gu said, “Your father always considered you his closest family, always thinking of you… Your mother did too, and your elder siblings… Fifth Son, it’s all my fault. If there’s anything wrong, tell me, and I’ll change it.”
Song Chuzhao also leaned her head against his shoulder, and Madam Gu gently stroked his hair.
For a moment, the only sound in the room was the three of them breathing, their breaths intertwining.
Duke Gu held her for a while longer, then, when his emotions had calmed, he released her and asked hopefully, “So, are you still going to take the Spring Examinations?”
Song Chuzhao: “…” Could he please stop?
Her face was wooden, and she said with a look of resignation, “Tomorrow, I will make a list of the books I need to buy.”
“Good!” Duke Gu nodded emphatically. “This time, your father will definitely not interfere. Prepare well for the Spring Examinations!”
The bitterness in Song Chuzhao’s heart was indescribable. It was like a cup of bitter wine, choking her throat, and she could only swallow it down.
Song Chuzhao didn’t want to remember when the elder Gu couple left.
She lay back down on the bed, stretching out her limbs. But she tossed and turned countless times, unable to fall asleep.
She looked out the window, her gaze fixed on the swaying shadows of the trees in the night, and she let out a twisted smile. She got up and started to get dressed.
Fifth Son Gu - I’m here to see you on behalf of your father!
Author’s Note:
Duke Gu: There’s only one truth… My deductions are flawless!
Song Chuzhao: Come on! Let’s hurt each other!